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| It's officially been a week since I came back to New York. Slowly, I've gotten used to the time zone here again within the past 2 days. Before that, I haven't been able to sleep ever since the night before I left Hong Kong. For me, coming backing to New York had been because I had no choice. Unwillingly came back. I had never liked New York in the first place, but after seeing the smaller cities of Singapore and Hong Kong, I disliked New York even more. I think there are lots that can be improved here, but I doubt so. Hong Kong and Singapore had been like heaven for me. Most importantly, they are so much cleaner than New York, which as we all know cleanliness is the most important thing for me. AND prettier!! Especially the night view! Here are some pictures of the views!
The beautiful night view of Hong Kong, the place I like to just sit for a while to relax and admire the view before me..<3
This is Singapore's night view from the top of the Explanade..looks magical, doesn't it?
I really miss it in Hong Kong and Singapore which is why I plan to go back as soon as I possibly can. The memories I've made in these places are so precious to me and irreplaceable. If only I can, I would rewind back to the time when vacation just started...
So many magical things happened for me...so many new experiences, so many new 'first times'. And of course, I met the person I had been waiting to meet all these years, it was a wonderful experience. My time there with him had been so brief, almost as if it had only been a dream, so surreal. I always had to constantly remind myself that it was all real by replaying everything that happened within those very short 12 days in Singapore, and by looking at the photos as the proof lay before my eyes.
There are regrets left behind though because I realized that there are so many places in Hong Kong and Singapore that I haven't visited. And also, Elaine, I never knew that the time we could spend together had only been so little. I thought I would see more of her. I never even had a picture taken with her. Not only that, the pictures I've taken in Singapore had been so little, I should have taken more...more so that I can fill my memory with more proof that I've been there. That it's not something I've only wished to do for all these years, but something I've fulfilled with my own effort...that's how much this trip meant to me. So much that I can't even begin to put it in words..
All I can say is, I'll definitely be back. I'll work hard to find a part-time job and save up so that I can see all these beautiful places again...and more.
In his family, I've experienced what is real warmth and love that keeps a family united and happy. It's not something I have experienced growing up. Because my family is just opposite. Just seeing how happy he and his family is moved my heart to tears, and to an extent, envy. But I'm glad I experienced the warmth of his family. I felt like it taught me how to love...even more than I know..
So thank you, Hong Hong, for all the wonderful experiences and memories, although it is not enough to even begin to express my gratitude..
Please, don't forget me...
And I'll never forget the magic you've shown me that sparked up my life for those moments. I was truly happy.
And I fell in love..with you, your family, and your country. COMPLETELY.
And maybe one day..you'll realize. So much more than words can say.
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| What should I do now that the box is opened again? The box that I had all my feelings for him sealed up, taped, glued, and put off to the very far ended corner of my heart? Out of reach so that...I can never come in contact with them again and maybe one day it'll poof! and disappear forever? It wasn't in my plans to fall for him again...I was determined and confident that I won't. But why? Why do I always end up not keeping my word to myself? 'Cause now...I'm falling for him again. What is this supposed to mean? It's probably because I never had the chance to fully get over him. And with just a touch, just a simple and light touch from him and the box burst open once again...
Have I really not learned my lesson over the past few years? Had all the heartbreaks really not have helped me in making a better decision for myself? I'm so scared. What will happen to me if there was another heartbreak? Can I withstand another fall like that? Maybe this time I'll shatter for good...? Broken into a condition beyond all repair?
"All of this is going to go into a huge circle cycle again," Jia said. Yes. That, I know. But is it wrong to follow my feelings? After all the warnings from my friends and family, if I get hurt again, would it be my fault? Something I've brought upon myself? Would my friends still be there for me after all the years of being there for me...for the same reason? I would want them to say "No, it's not your fault that you got hurt again. You couldn't help but follow your feelings; following your feelings are right but the decision is wrong. But in the end, you'll only get hurt because you followed your feelings, cause it's the right thing to do" If that's so, then really, what is right and what is wrong?
I know all my friends would be very disappointed in me for falling for him again because they were so proud of me when I "walked away with dignity" last time. I haven't told many people that I might be falling for him again, only Jia, Cherry and Teresa. I don't know how to tell the rest of them. I don't know how to open my mouth and say "after everything that happened, I fell for him again". 'Cause they would all my so disappointed after all the progress I've made. But this time, can you still be there for me when I fall?
But even though I know all of this. Even though I know I should be more cautious...I just can't help myself. I can't forget about him. And of course, I can't stop loving him.
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| When people think of Valentine's Day, they only think of couples. Who said that Valentine's Day are only for couples? Singles can celebrate it too! So, all you singles people out there, you shouldn't worry about it. Isn't it more reasonable for those who are single to celebrate it, since they are the ones who don't have lovers? And hope that they 早日 find their significant other? :P I think so! So single people--don't be depressed! You just go all-out and celebrate with those who are single only. 'Cause...
That's what I did! v^.^v
Today, I went shopping with Jia and Teresa. Yes, we are all SINGLE! We didn't do anything that special, but I still had fun. We went shopping at Staten Island Mall (Of course la. Since there are no guys to give us gifts, we buy them for ourselves as rewards :p Who says we need them to give it? XD)! And anyways. Teresa is just so sweet! She even made me and Jia V-day chocolates! That's enough for me. <3 (Though when I got back, the Pooh chocolate broke a little =x probably from being in my bag.)
Sorry Ter, Pooh's head kind of...broke?! >.<
So ya, we went shopping. I bought some things for myself. Hmm...let's see some pictures, shall we? :D Ah, I didn't buy all of these clothes, but they are the ones I tried on and liked. :D
I liked this, but didn't buy it. I figured that there aren't many occasions that I'd need to dress like that..*sigh* I regret it. Hope it's still there when I go back to H&M next time!
Bought this one. Both Jia and Teresa were pointing at this one saying it's a "MUST GET!" XP
I liked this one too, but didn't buy it. It makes me look so youngg! But I'm too skinny to wear this, so...you see?! Skinny people have disadvantages too!! >.<
Me and Teresa are twins! We both liked this shirt when we saw it, so took it to try. We liked it a lot, but in the end, only Teresa bought it. Jia said that I look better in the shirt in the next picture...
Jia really liked this shirt on me, and encouraged me to get it saying that she will give it to me as my birthday present. :D Thanks a lot, Jia! I will wear this when it's...a bit warmer?
Ah, we also bought other accessories--I bought some headbands and a pair of earrings for matching with clothes :)
Also before we left, we bought 2 ice cream sundaes at Baskin Robbins (thanks to Teresa's coupons XP) and we all shared! Romantic, ne? See? Whoever said that we can't have fun on V-day? We had a great time!
In the next years to come, I want to celebrate Valentine's Day you guys like this again for as long as I stay single. And you guys too! Originally, I wanted to plan something for a bigger group of people--ahem, that are single only but in the end, didn't pull it off.
For as long as I stay single..as long as I have you guys. Nothing else should matter. :)
I love you!~ <3
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| Yesterday, February 1st, was my KoKo gor's Birthday! Ah, so I walked to his house to deliver my present to him and also a birthday card from Amy--that she had mailed to me..>.> No one knew his address, I didn't know it either but I've walked to his place before so I only know how to get there..n_n;;
Now about the present. My present to him was something I'd planned to give him since the beginning of January. Ah! It wasn't really early January, more like early-mid-January since I got it Januaray 13th.
I thought it was very meaningful and was confident that he would like it. It was a photoalbum with a wooden cover with a oval-shaped metal plate in the middle of it that said "friends". And of course, you can't have a photoalbum with some pictures for it!~ Now let me tell you how the photos came about. To me, it was a very magical coincidence..
I had chosen some photos from a collection of events from my picture files. Then I uploaded the pictures on a website called Snapfish, where you can upload photos and then order them online to be developed. Coincidentally...the photos arrived in the mail right on the day when Jia, Teresa, KoKo, and I were going to watch "Paul Blart: Mall Cop". Not to mention, the package came when Jia and KoKo were already at my house! And they both kept on bugging me to open it and let them see--only that I couldn't because it was my present for KoKo. When Jia kept bugging me still--I asked her to come to the bathroom with me n_n and explained to her why I couldn't open it in front of them. So when we came out, she finally was able to keep quiet about it. Like magic! Heee.~~
Ever since I had finally got everything for the present ready, I had been counting down for a few weeks til the day I can finally give it to KoKo. I counted all the way up til January 31st, the day before his birthday, haha! Which is probably why I felt like it took forever for February 1st to come. =x
And finally, the day came. I had made plans from the very beginning to walk to his house to give it to him ever since I got the present--since that was the only way to give it to him on time anyways. Lol. Luckily, yesterday was one of the warmest days this winter and the sun was out. So it was actually very refreshing to walk outside anyways~
When I got to his street, I called him to come out, since I didn't know the door number n_n;; (Yes, yes, running off to someone's house without even knowing the exact door number..that's Tam-Tam for you! XD). I guess KoKo was also surprised that I would appear in front of his house too >.> which was exactly my intention..soo, SUCCESS!! :D
When I handed him the wrapped up present, and said "KoKo, Happy Birthday", a bright smile spread across his face. Again, SUCCESS! I actually wanted to watch him open it, but we were outdoors so it wasn't very convenient and also, there were messages in them that led him to the next step so I didn't want him to rush it and take the time to open and read them! :D
So, I walked home after we exchanged a few more words. Right when I got home, at the moment, my phone started ringing: no doubt-- it was KoKo. He called to thank me and told me that he usually doesn't celebrate his birthday, 'cause he feels that it's no big deal anyways. But he also said that after reading the card and other messages, he felt "special", especially since--he was there to witness it when I was making a fuss about not showing him the package that came to my house that time, that was actually for him. :) Thinking back to those incidents, made him happy, which again, was my intention! So...SUCCESS!
Gor, I'm really glad my appearance and present made you feel special. It was your birthday after all, so naturally you should be feeling special. But I'm glad that I was the one who was able to pull that feeling out of you. I felt it was necessary-- because you are special (not only to me, but I'm sure to a lot of other people as well)..and if I can't even do that, how can I dare to call myself your mui mui leh? :) Nee~! :D
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| Well, well, well...I haven't blogged for a long time now. So let's let me update on some events from Christmas Eve to now, New Years Eve!
Christmas Eve (t'was pouring outside)
Yes, it was raining really hard and the ground was wet and icey from the snow. But! The night before, there was a chatroom on msn for planning our (Fort Hamilton High School) Christmas reunion. Unfortunately, the plan was to go out and shopping for our Hotpot gathering, on the 26th. I was going to ask my mom to go with me..and she did. And thankfully, Amy and Jason Ko (KoKo) volunteered to go with us. So! It was Amy, KoKo, my mom and me. It was raining hard! And we bought lots of stuff in preparation for the hotpot! Carried it all the way back to my house. And we were all soaked! Then when we got back to my house we made room in my fridge to fit all the stuff in. Thank goodness my house has 2 refridgerators! After all that, me, Amy, and KoKo went back into my room to start calculating our expenses and figuring out how much each person has to pay me back. We also had to do some brainstorming to 分配工作 amongst some other people in the best and most convenient ways as possible. We also figured that we really did need extra food, and decided that the 3 of us, as a team will go shopping for extra food again in the morning on the day of the hotpot.
Later on in the day, a few hours after Amy and KoKo left my house, I asked my dad to drive me out so I can buy a present for my cousins who were coming over the next day, which was Christmas Day. On the way back from buying something, me and my dad had a quarrel. He said many insulting things to me, and I got very angry. I would never forget it...how he insulted something I had a lot of pride in, my Chinese...
Dad: Why do you even bother learning Chinese? You don't even use your knowledge of it to read newspapers!
Me: Just because I learn Chinese, it doesn't mean I have to read newspapers.
Dad: Well, if you don't use it to read newspapers, then it's all useless. Tell me then, how much can you understand when you read a Chinese newspaper article?
Me: I understand enough of the whole article to know the main points of the article and what it's talking about. Of course, there are words that I skip over when I don't know it, but those few words does not affect my overall understand of the article.
Dad: Yeah, then that's useless if you don't know every word!
Me: Then what do you want me to do?! Every time you or mom tells me to read an article you guys are just like "here, read this article by yourself since you know Chinese" and then you guys just leave it there for me to figure it out by myself! What do you want me to do about it?! It's normal not to know a few words here and there. I'm not born in China, you know!
Dad: All you do to learn Chinese is through song lyrics. What can you possibly learn from there? The only Chinese you know is what you learned in high school that your teacher taught you. Other than that, you know nothing more if it's not taught by your teacher.
Me: Don't underestimate my song lyrics! Believe it or not, you can learn a whole lot from following song lyrics and singing to them! It's my way of learning! By the way, I also learn a lot from watching Hong Kong and Taiwanese dramas that you hate that I watch so much of! Then let me ask you this question: you can learn English from so many sources, why do you make me type out those "how to look at how to bet on a racing horse" from your DVDs just to use it to learn English? There's so many other places you can learn English! Why do you like it when I help you typed out all the dailogues for those?
Dad: Well, it's because it fits into my interests!
Me: YOU also know how to say "it's your interest", then why don't you get it when I have to own ways of learning through my own interests as well? Everyone has different skills for learning that they know will help them catch on faster! Why do you only think your way is right? Not everyone has to do it your way for it to be "right"!
Dad: Well, that's true. But you aren't even learning. You only know what your teacher taught you back in high school and ever since then, your knowledge of Chinese has stopped ever since.
Me: How would you know?! Why don't you go in my room and take a look first! See how I have paper taped all around my computer screen of "words to learn", with the Chinese writing, the pinyin and the definition! Go take a look at those before you even start talking again! I know so much more Chinese that my teacher ever taught me! I didn't even stop after high school, I continued learning on my own, purely out of interest!
Dad: Whatever. Yeah, well, we'll see how you are after 4 years of college. We'll see just how successful you are.
(car ride ended)
I was so angry...at him for stepping down on me as if my self-esteem isn't already low enough. About how he said it is "useless" while everyone else praises me for being able to use a bigger vocabulary span than most ABC's would know. I hated him for looking down on me, his own daughter, for learning something extra that I am obviously not born to know. I'm not born in China...or Asia to know as much as they would. Shouldn't he be proud of me? I wasn't born in a Chinese environment for Chinese to come so easily. Everything I know was through hard work and practice...
When I got back home, I cried. So loudly. Originally I thought that the time I will cry over anything, would be when I finally get into an emotional breakdown over the guy I liked so much for 5 years. Ever since the day it was confirmed, I had been waiting for the day I would just cry out loud, when the news was finally registered in my brain. From the confirmed day, til Chritmas Eve, I never cried over it once. Sure, there were one or two teardrops here and there, but it wasn't crying. I never thought that the next time I cried, would be because of my dad.
From the confirmed day to Christmas Eve, is approximately one and a half months. It was my longest record I ever had for not crying for that long. My stupid dad broke my record, that probably could have lasted for longer! >:O
Christmas Day
My cousins Cherry, JQ, and Jack came over. It was a day of fun and lots of catching up and talking, playing. While my sister, Cherry, Jack, and Alex (my cousin from upstairs) were playing video games, me and JQ went out to see if we can get some pizza. We checked a total of 3 pizzerias around the area, but they were all closed. Only one place was opened. Dunkin Donuts. And so, that's what we bought. Cherry, JQ and Jack stayed over til 11:30pm and my dad drove them home.
I shortened a lot on the details. Haha!
December 26 - HOTPOT!
In the morning, Amy, KoKo, and I went out to buy more food, as planned. Finished the shopping really soon and headed back to my house. We got everything ready and played video games for a little until someone came to pick us up to drive us over to someone else's house, were the party was being held. After we got there, we got to work, washing all the veggies, skinning the taro and radish, cutting and washing the scallop. and chopping all the washed veggies into smaller portions. Then Jia arrived and helped out as well.
Three housewives-to-bes, working side by side and what a surprise! We're not killing each other! Who's the lucky husband? XP
Yaa, then we played lots of games. We split up into group to play different games cause there's a lot of people. There was a group of us playing with the wii, a group playing mah jong (and Asians teaching the non-Asians how to play too!). We all played pictionary together in 3 teams. Monopoly was me, KoKo, Teresa, Yu teng, and Barbara.
Monopoly~
Soon it was dinner time!! HOTPOT!!
Table ready with food and boiling water!
Eat up, everyone!! =D
Barbara is using chopsticks!! =D
Ya, so anyways, there were so many other pictures taken at the dinner table, and so much that happened! Fun Fun FUN!!
But let's get on to, after dinner. After dinner we all continued playing. I was going crazy playing with the wii. We were playing dodgeball on the wii, and I was extremely hyper. Screaming and fligging my arms all over the place. Don't underestimate me guys! I bet the too-much-strength that I use to play, my 無情力 is enough to knock someone out cold! XP Those who have experienced playing with me know~~ They fear playing with me la and are very very...cautious~~
The last game we played was Mafia! Haha! It was my first time playing. Such a fun game! Especially playing with such a large group of people! =D
Mafia! When everyone has their eyes closed and the storyteller was telling the story!
Then there were group pictures!
All the girls!
All the boys!
Yes, yes. There were only 6 girls and 13 boys. Haha!
Originally an all-girls picture. But some guys came into it!
GROUP PICTURE~~! The best picture ever. <33
It was such a fun day! And too much to type! Too many pictures too!! Such a great day. I'll remember it forever!
December 27th.
Went to my cousins' house. Played rockband on Xbox for a few hours and Cherry, JQ, Jack, and my sister! XP I was the drummer!! =D Too bad there wasn't any pictures taken!
December 28, 29, 30
Stayed home. Watched dramas. =x
New Year's Eve
Went to yum cha with family! Then came home and cleaned my room. I guess it can be called "New Years cleaning" XP
Although I am a bit early on this. But only 19 minutes earlier! HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!! <33
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